Keep My Secrets Page 15

  ‘There was. There was someone here in the room.’

  ‘Who? What are you talking about?’

  ‘I don’t know. It went d-dark. The lights went out.’ Even as she said it, she could hear how mad it sounded.

  ‘No one came out of the bathroom, my darling, I would’ve seen them.’ Vanessa cupped her cheeks in her hands. Her palms were hot. Her eyes searched her face. ‘And there was no power cut, and the light’s on – See?’

  ‘What’s going on? Is she okay?’

  Peter appeared in the doorway, peering anxiously at the two of them. ‘Has she hurt herself?’

  ‘No, no I don’t think so.’ Vanessa smiled round at him. ‘She slipped, I think. No bones broken. She’s okay… aren’t you?’

  She nodded dumbly but felt like she might burst into tears.

  ‘I think there’s a lot going on for all of us at the moment.’ Vanessa smoothed Frankie’s wet hair back from her forehead. ‘We’re all exhausted. Things happen when you’re exhausted, but we’ll be fine.’

  Vanessa’s gentle touch made the tears well and she gave a little sob. ‘I don’t know what happened, I’m so sorry… I must’ve fallen asleep. I think I was dreaming or something… I saw a shape…’

  ‘I thought something had happened to the baby.’ Peter shook his head in shock.

  ‘The baby’s fine, I’m fine – I think.’ Her teeth were chattering. ‘I’m so sorry about the carpet.’

  ‘Oh don’t worry about that, I can clear all that up, so long as everyone’s alright. You just go and get yourself dressed and warm, Frankie.’ His kind, smiley face beamed at her as Vanessa ushered her along the landing.

  ‘Here, put this on.’ She pulled a dressing gown from the radiator. ‘It’ll be nice and warm for you… My goodness, you gave me such a fright!’ She slipped Frankie’s arms into the sleeves, chuckling as she steered her towards the door.

  ‘Thank you for being so kind, Vanessa.’ She meant it; she really did.

  ‘I would do anything to make sure you’re okay.’ She reached forward and snuggled the collar around her neck. ‘Quickly now. Don’t get chilled. Hot chocolate will be ready as soon as you are – where’s Jack, by the way?’

  ‘Oh he’s still downstairs, oblivious, with his headphones on,’ Peter grinned. ‘He’ll only respond to sign language.’ He hauled a vacuum cleaner up the last few stairs and disappeared behind the bathroom door.

  ‘He loves that Wet and Dry toy,’ Vanessa grinned ruefully. ‘You’ve given him a perfect excuse. Just come down when you’re ready.’ She leaned forward and kissed her cheek. ‘Don’t be too long.’

  Frankie brought her hand up to where Vanessa’s lips had been as she watched her trot down the stairs. Was this what it felt like to be cared for?

  As though in a dream, she tentatively pushed the bedroom door open as Jack leapt up off the bed. Her hand came to her heart.

  ‘Jack!’

  ‘I didn’t know she’d put you in here. Sorry, my fault.’ He laughed nervously and made a move towards the door. ‘I’ll let you get dressed.’ The sound of the vacuum cleaner droned loudly in the background and he paused with a hand on the door edge. ‘Are you sure you’re okay? I heard the commotion—’

  ‘No, honestly. I’m fine, I’m fine.’ She glanced around. ‘I feel a bit silly now, actually… God – I must’ve been dreaming, but it really freaked me out.’

  ‘Don’t feel bad, seriously. There are things you should…’ He went to say more but then stopped. ‘Look, I’m only across the landing. Once you’ve changed, we’ll go downstairs together.’ He glanced towards the bathroom. ‘Don’t go down on your own, okay?’

  She frowned, unsure what he was meaning.

  ‘Vanessa can be a bit—’ he rolled his eyes. ‘—Full on with her mothering instinct. Just tap on my door. I’ll wait for you.’ He smiled, pulling it closed behind him.

  She got dressed slowly, putting on the joggers and sweatshirt, feeling their heat seep into her back like a comforting blanket. She didn’t really get what he was talking about; Vanessa was just being kind and caring. There were slipper socks on the radiator too and she pulled them on. Padding out into the hallway, she tapped gently on Jack’s door. The gap creaked wider.

  ‘Come in.’ His voice came from somewhere inside and she pushed the door a little.

  He was sitting on the side of the bed holding a book.

  ‘Yeah – come in for two minutes. Let me explain what I was blabbering on about.’ He closed the book carefully and put it down beside him. ‘Just push that door to, would you?’ He glanced at it as though he was afraid of someone hearing.

  She stood there uneasily, trying to read him.

  ‘I wanted to ask you something. Do you remember the conversation you and I had about Vanessa? – About how she’s like a dog with a bone?’

  ‘Uh-huh,’ she nodded.

  ‘And how she thinks you know stuff about the night that Charlotte died?’

  She rubbed her forehead anxiously. ‘It was just like you said, Jack: I was out of my head on stuff. I don’t remember anything. Seriously, honestly.’ Her heart shunted up a gear.

  He sat back a little, his hands in his lap. ‘It’s okay, it’s fine. You and I just need to be totally straight with each other. I can shield you if I know exactly what’s going on in your head.’

  She looked at him, puzzled. ‘Shield me? What do you mean?’ The thudding behind her ribcage intensified.

  ‘Vanessa and my dad. They latch onto things… Ideas… People… and they can’t let go. Vanessa’s obsession becomes my dad’s obsession. I didn’t want you to get blindsided by them both, that’s all.’

  ‘She’s already told me that she can be a bit like that.’

  ‘Yes, well, that’s part of the grooming process.’ Jack looked down into his palms. ‘She tells you those kinds of things to disarm you, so that you don’t see it coming.’

  Frankie went to speak, but Jack held up his hands.

  ‘I know they don’t mean to do it and I’m not trying to be horrible.’ He shook his head. ‘But it’s like they close in on you. It’s so tiny at first, you barely notice it.’ His teeth caught his bottom lip. ‘Until you find you can’t breathe. Which is what happened to Charlotte. They adored her and so they smothered her. She was running wild because she couldn’t cope with their adoration.’ His face looked haunted, but he covered it with a rueful smile, and shrugged. ‘There are definite benefits in being the son that no one’s interested in.’

  ‘I’m sure they’re interested in you. I’m sure they love you.’

  He snorted. ‘Haven’t you noticed? Didn’t you see the way my dad was downstairs? All the attention goes immediately to you. You’re their replacement daughter.’

  Her spine itched with discomfort.

  ‘Watch their eyes if you don’t believe me. They can’t stop looking at you; they can’t stop wanting to be with you, they always want to touch you. They think she’s come back.’

  Something walked over her grave. She shivered.

  ‘And me?’ The rueful smile was pained. ‘I think as far as they’re concerned, the wrong child died.’

  ‘Jack!’ She was horrified. ‘No!… They don’t think that!’

  ‘What did you see?’

  ‘What? When?’ She jerked in alarm.

  ‘What did you see in the bathroom?’

  ‘I was dreaming. I must’ve fallen asleep.’

  ‘Tell me what happened? You said you saw a shape.’

  ‘Nothing really.’ Her heart drummed wildly. She didn’t want to think about it, let alone speak about it. ‘I told you, it was a kind of dream… like a nightmare.’

  ‘A sort of hallucination?’

  ‘Maybe… I’d rather not—’

  ‘What did you see, though?’ he pressed. ‘Was it a man?’

  ‘Jack, seriously… What is this?’

  ‘Charlotte told me something.’

  Her whole body froze. ‘What kind of something?’


  ‘She wouldn’t sleep in that room.’ He nodded to the far wall.

  ‘Her bedroom?’ Frankie glanced over nervously.

  ‘She said someone kept whispering to her.’

  The itch crawled.

  ‘It was a shape, a black figure. She was seriously, seriously scared out of her mind.’

  Frankie watched his face, horrified, but Jack only grinned nervously and shook his head.

  ‘I told her none of it was real, that it was the crappy drugs she was doing. She never knew what shit she was buying – it was probably cut with all kinds of stuff. You don’t know, do you?’

  A creeping dread wormed its way through her gut.

  ‘She asked Martin about Rohypnol.’ Her head moved from side to side as she tried to shake the information away.

  ‘Did she?’ A shadow moved across Jack’s face. ‘No one could believe it when Jarvis got a job working with vulnerable kids. He clearly conned someone to get a role like that. It just goes to show that he’s capable of conning anyone. Don’t ever beat yourself up, Frankie. Trust me, loads of people have been taken in by him.’ His eyes flinched at the memory. ‘Charlotte was a mess and he exploited that. I know they used to talk; she wouldn’t say what about.’ He shook his head. ‘I think Martin Jarvis got in her head, y’know?’ Jack tapped his temple. ‘I think he messed with her mind. If she was getting roofies from him, Christ alone knows what that was doing to her.’ His mouth set in a hard line. ‘This man she kept seeing, this thing in her room, whatever…’ He sighed, ‘it kept getting worse. Every hallucination got more intense.’

  Her heart thudded painfully.

  ‘Yeah,’ he shook his head again. ‘She was terrified to go to sleep. She said it was whispering.’

  Frankie stared at him, not wanting to hear this, not wanting to comprehend.

  ‘Whispering?’

  ‘Yeah, that’s what really freaked her out. The night when it touched her neck.’

  Chapter Thirteen

  They sat downstairs drinking hot chocolate. The TV was on; Vanessa had recorded some gameshow that contained a lot of screaming. She and Peter kept shouting in unison and laughing, but it came across as sad and forced like they were pretending to be having fun. Frankie hugged the hot mug close to her chest, aware that Jack’s eye kept flitting in her direction.

  ‘You look a bit knackered,’ he said eventually.

  ‘Thanks.’ She wavered a smile. ‘You know all the right things to say.’

  ‘Why don’t you go on up?’ Vanessa turned to look at her. ‘I put your electric blanket on half an hour ago. It’ll be lovely and snuggly.’

  Frankie tried to look appreciative but the memory of what had happened in the bath tingled into her hairline. Vanessa’s gaze didn’t drop. Her unease prickled.

  ‘Okay.’

  She slid the mug onto the coffee table and shuffled forward.

  ‘Goodnight, then.’

  ‘Night night. Sleep tight.’

  She wondered for a second if Jack would get up too, but he didn’t offer to move.

  ‘See you in the morning, then.’

  Their three faces looked up at her. ‘I’ve washed and dried all your clothes,’ Vanessa smiled. ‘I’ll run an iron over them tonight. They’ll be all ready for the morning. Big day tomorrow.’

  ‘Yes, big day,’ she repeated. ‘Night.’

  * * *

  She made her way softly up the stairs. The boom and chatter of the TV was comforting as she stepped onto the landing. The air around her crackled with a faint static charge.

  Charlotte. She felt suddenly very close.

  The landing light cast grey triangular shadows down the walls. The air was thick with her presence. There was a tiny movement: a flicker in the darkness over in the corner, but she couldn’t bring herself to turn her head. If she looked… But she didn’t want to.

  Her eyes tilted.

  Charlotte’s bedroom door that had been tightly closed before, now sat slightly open. A faint breath of perfume eased through the gap. She recognised it immediately.

  Her hand came up. It was like a compulsion.

  Listening for a moment with tightened breath, she put a finger on the door. The muffled sound of the TV was still rumbling on in the background.

  You want to do this, something inside her said. You need to.

  Poking the edge of the door gently, she watched the landing light spreading its geometric shape as the room opened up in front of her eyes.

  A single bed sat neatly under the window. One wall held a white chest of drawers with an ornate, white-framed mirror sitting above it. At the foot of the bed was a cream sheepskin rug that she’d be terrified to even put a foot on. There was a full-length white bookcase rammed with books on the opposite wall. She had never seen so many books in her life. She glanced back down the stairs, and then took a step forward.

  Charlotte’s presence was as real as if she were sitting quietly on the side of the bed. In the light from the landing, she could see her, painting her toenails: one knee crooked, her heel balanced on the edge of the mattress, head bent and concentrating on the sweep of the tiny brush. She blinked. Of course there was no one there.

  A light glinted dully and she turned her head. But the mirror only reflected her own image, paused, as though she’d just been asked a question and was about to answer. Somewhere over her shoulder, the shape of Charlotte drifted past. She looked around quickly. She wasn’t there. She really wasn’t.

  But the urge to touch her things, was.

  She went over to the bed and smoothed her hand across the covers, her fingers grazing the deep pink pillows – She’d been here, and here, and here.

  Imagining, imagining…

  Charlotte’s face turned sideways in sleep. She could almost hear the quiet draw of breath, her hair splayed out, creamy gold against the rose pillowcase. Next to the bed was a dresser with a shaded lamp. In front was a box full of all kinds of makeup and a pot of brushes. Her hairbrush – wooden and expensive-looking, still had a few stray hairs clinging to it. She picked it up, bringing it to her nose. Charlotte was there, as real and as solid as if she’d just whisked the bristles through her blonde curls. Frankie’s fingers copied her movements: gently brushing the ends of her hair, feeling the snag and catch, the strands mingling with Charlotte’s… She stopped.

  No.

  Hastily putting it back, her eye caught a small wooden trinket box. It sat, quiet and square. She licked her lips.

  There was no harm, she was only looking.

  The lid opened easily. Inside were finer bits of jewellery: gold hoop earrings and rings with set stones. She lifted out a chain, the strand twirling and glinting prettily. A cut crystal pendant slid to one end, tipping into the light. There, in the centre of the ball, the letter ‘C’ came and went in a hologram.

  ‘Nice isn’t it?’

  The room went suddenly dark.

  She spun round. Vanessa was standing in the doorway, blocking the landing light.

  ‘I bought it for Charlotte.’

  ‘Oh god! I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have been looking… I didn’t mean to—’ She found her hands were shaking as she tried to put it back. ‘I wasn’t going to take it or anything!’

  ‘No, no!’ Vanessa was laughing. ‘The idea never crossed my mind!’ She came over and put her hand out. ‘It’s fine! Honestly, it’s fine.’ She chuckled. ‘I didn’t want to startle you. Please don’t feel bad.’

  ‘Sorry. Sorry…’

  The necklace tangled around the box hinge, catching clumsily. She was terrified to yank it.

  ‘Don’t worry. Hang on, let me.’

  Vanessa took it from her and pulled the chain safely free. ‘Look. Here you go, let’s put the light on.’ She reached for the lamp switch. ‘It’s so lovely, isn’t it?… Let’s not shut it away in the dark. It’s too pretty. Would you like it?’ She held it out.

  ‘Me? Oh no, I couldn’t. I really couldn’t!’

  ‘Yes, you could.’ Sh
e reached for Frankie’s hand. ‘I want you to have it. It’s a gift from me to you. A thing like that is meant to be worn and loved, not lie in a box.’ She dropped the pendant into her palm and closed her fingers around it. ‘I gave it to Charlotte to show how much I loved her. Your wearing it would be keeping that love alive. It would mean masses to me, Frankie, more than you can imagine. Take it, please. Would you do that?’

  Frankie felt the glass, hard against her palm. Vanessa’s eyes looked huge.

  ‘If not for you then for me.’ Her hand pressed firmly. ‘I mean it.’

  Frankie looked down. ‘Okay. For you,’ she nodded gently. ‘But only if you’re sure. If you ever change your mind—’

  ‘I won’t. I assure you.’

  ‘Okay… Well…Thank you.’

  ‘It also means you’re a part of our family now too.’

  Somewhere over Vanessa’s shoulder, she saw a movement, and instinctively knew it was Jack.

  She felt appalled that he might’ve heard that conversation. She needed him to know that this wasn’t her doing.

  ‘Right. Now off to bed with you.’ Vanessa ushered her out of the bedroom and pulled the door closed behind them. Jack had disappeared.

  Vanessa paused on the landing with one hand on the bannister. ‘Right, have you got everything you want? Would you like a glass of water? A book to read? Anything?’

  ‘No really, I’m fine. Oh… and thank you again.’ She gazed down at her palm. ‘I’ll treasure it.’

  There was a flicker of movement at the bottom of the stairs. She felt wrong and unsettled; Jack had warned her. She should never have agreed to stay here. Now this.

  ‘Goodnight then.’ Frankie paused with a hand on her bedroom door.

  Vanessa was already halfway down the stairs.

  ‘Yes, sleep well. See you in the morning. Night-night my darling.’ She turned and blew her a kiss. ‘It’s so lovely to have you home.’

  * * *

  Frankie lay in that bed, wide awake, hearing her own rustling heartbeat against the pillow, trying to calm it into a steady rhythm. Eight or so hours and she could be out of there; just keep it together. She stared up at the ceiling watching the shadows move: the unfamiliar shapes and patterns, listening to the odd noises of water running and a toilet flushing, and lights being switched off as everyone settled down for the night.